A lesson in altruism...

A passage from How to be Compassionate by the Dali Lama

- Adversity Helps Build Character -

"Anger destroys love and compassion, and anger is undermined by patience, which is best practiced with an enemy. Without adversaries, you could not fully engage in the practice of patience - tolerance and forbearance. We need enemies to strengthen our practice, and from this spiritual viewpoint we can even be grateful to them. In terms of training in altruism, an enemy is really your guru, your teacher. Since enemies are the greatest teachers of altruism, instead of generating hatred for them, we must view them with gratitude."

It is sometimes hard to remember that if we didn't come across people and things that caused us frustration, there would be no place for us to grow as individuals. Almost daily we are acosted by people or things that cause us discomfort, and if you are able to keep it all in perspective, there is really no better chance to grow. The key to this, is to listen and learn in all aspects of life. For instance, I stubbed my toe this morning in the dark. (After several minutes of cursing.) I came to the conclusion that I had nobody to blame but myself. Had I picked up last night, instead of going to bed, there would have been nothing for me to have jammed my toe into the back of my foot. Not paying attention to the details in my day to day life created this opportunity for Karma to lash out. But one can't say I didn't learn my lesson. The next step is to not fall back on what you have learned. I know myself, and am aware I am just as likely to forget to pick up tomorrow.

In the passage above, the Dali Lama is speaking of enemies as in the people who bring anger into our lives... this morning, my enemy was a piece of wood...

Insanity...

"Insanity: Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results" - Albert Einstein

Let he who is not guilty of insanity speak up now or forever hold your peace. When we are little, everything in life is a game. You look to the bottom of the stairs, and rather than seeing carpet, you see a swimming pool. Imagination... do you remember it? I do.

I grew up without a lot of friends, so imagination was a tool that I used frequently, and with abandon. I was able to derive pleasure from the simplest things. (A silk sheet I used as a wind catch.) It was old and brown, but brought me hours of pleasure. (A cardboard box that was my vehicle to the stars) Everyone else saw a packing crate, but for me it was mission control, a space ship to the moon, and most importantly a kingdom where all of my friends would greet me kindly and say "King Xane! We love you!"  As I got older, it became "Uncool" to play and imagine. You had to "Hang out" and play with real toys. If you can imagine it, I wasn't very popular.

If we continue to play imagination based games as adults without children, people look at us and think that we are mentally challeged, or insane. To this I say to you:

"I am an airplane, flying through life untouched by gravity."

"I am an olympic downhill skier, about to win my 10th Gold Medal."

"I am a dinosaur hunter out to bag the biggest T-Rex ever seen."

What, you can't see it?

I'm sorry! I truely am, but know that just because you are unable to understand, doesn't mean that I am not any of the things above. And without imagination, your life must be outrageously boring, maybe I'm not sorry for you, but I feel pitty none the less. Your everyday life must be excruciating, caught in reality as you are. Unable to fly, or swim the seas, stuck in a cubicle surrounded by silent snores. When my thoughts are at their most unbound, I couldn't even imagine something so cruel. So I am sorry.

Am I insane? Maybe. But I'm okay with it, now if you'll excuse me. I'm about run into a burning building, and save some co-workers trapped in a blaze. "Our Hero!" they'll exclaim, then lift me onto their soot covered shoulders and say, "Someone give him the key to the city!"

"Don't forget that without our imaginations, we would never have achieved anything. People saw the Wright brothers as insane... and they managed to create a flying machine." - Timothy Ralston

Then he said...

For the last few months, I have been feeling trapped. Like a bear in a, well... a trap. (Wasn't as creative as I would have liked.) It has continuously gotten worse, and worse. My job, my home, and with everyone I know. More and more weight pressing down on my shoulders until all my insides were ready to squish out my eyeballs. (How's that for creative?) I have been considering life, and who I was before now.

At one point I was carefree, I lived everyday without worry of consequence. Then one day, it changed. I can't pinpoint when it did, I can't even tell you what caused it. However something flipped, and I got comfortable with my discomfort. Suddenly I was drowning in my own life. Trying to survive, afraid to let loose, of what people thought of me. I was no longer free to be me. (Stupid non-creative bear trap...)

I just can't take it anymore! You can probably tell from my previous post that I have had it up to here (You can't see it, by my hand is really high) with all the crap that is being pushed on top of me... on top of us! Bills galore, politicians making decisions for us that has nothing to do with them, 80 hour work weeks, and not nearly enough time. Then tonight, I had what many therapists (I have problems with the fact that word spells "the rapist") might call a breakthrough.

I said, "FUCK IT!"

I am done with the bullshit I'm swimming in. Take a good look, because I am back, and this time... I'm here to stay. My thoughts, are not yours to control. In fact, they are the only thing keeping me sane. My body is my own, and where it goes, who it knows, and what it sees. Is up to me. Your oppinions matter too.... to you. What I think about you doesn't matter, what your mother, sister, uncle, minister, or third grade teacher thinks... is obtuse, and only important to them. I am tired of being afraid of where I am going, solely because someone may not like it.

And with that realization... He lived happily ever after.

No one else to blame...

Went to bed last night in a world of Technicolor, woke up this morning surrounded by gray. What happened to make me feel this way? Living in a world of people who don’t give a damn, constantly bombarded by hatred and small mindedness, it’s exhausting, it’s depressing, and it’s what we all deal with every day. But I have to ask myself why? Why is it this way? Who was the person who started this snowball rolling downhill of dark and dreary dismay? Then I trace my finger back through history at the excuses of misery thrown around like a child throwing snowballs with friends. We have replaced happiness with desire for something more, something that doesn’t exist. We have placed our belief in God, or Grace, or whatever you might call it. We have washed our hands clean of our mistakes by saying that it was meant to be… well guess what. It isn’t meant to be, things are not supposed to be this way. We use our faith in a higher power as an excuse to be evil and cruel to people who don’t believe. We have removed the possibility of forgiveness because we think that we have already been forgiven. I don’t forgive you, not any of you, you have not even tried to do anything worthy of that. I see someone broken on the street, and my heart bleeds, I feel their pain, I feel their sorrows. And you just walk by, pretending that they don’t exist. Maybe they are homeless, maybe that will be you one day, that is when I will scoff at the beggar lying at my feet. “Please, Please!” You’ll cry, and I will ask if you remembered when it was you standing in my shoes? That’s not true, I could never be so callous, I could never ignore the ignorance and cause more disdain. A helping hand is all you need, and then I’ll pray that your eyes will finally open past what you see, so you might feel what your actions and words do to others. It’s time to care about something more than what meets the eye, because one day we all will die. That’s life’s one certainty, that’s the one thing rich or poor we all share. Not one of us the better, we’re truly all the same... No one else to blame. Except ourselves, and that’s the shame…

World travel...

Due to a slight medical issue, my travel blog is being postponed shortly. (Tore the meniscus in my knee...) This is only a short term adjustment. I will update again once I have a better idea on when it will become a reallity.

I am about to travel the world. My entire life has been spent reading books about all of the amazing things that happen in the world. It's about time that I see it with my own two eyes. Over the last two decades I have developed a bucket list, that I have not completed a single item on. As of Monday, February 1st, 2012 I will start a second blog, my Travel Blog. Throughout the next year, I am going to be posting items from my travels around the states. (Each city and town I visit, I will post whatever I am able to learn about the local area.) I will also write updates on how and when I will start my world tour. This will contain all of the steps I am taking to start the travel process.

When i am awake, I day dream about the many things I could be seeing. When I sleep, I dream about who I could be. It is time that I take a stand and make my dream life a reallity.

Timothy Ralston

The Middle Ground...

                My goal in life is no longer to be happy. I only want to be content. I don’t want to be happy, for wanting to be happy is as absurd as wanting to be unhappy. Neither goal is worthy of the effort. For when you are trying to be happy, and you don’t achieve it, you end up unhappy. If your dumb enough to want to be unhappy, then you may achieve it, but you won’t be happy about it.

What if everything in life is like a guitar string. When it’s still, life is content. Neither happy or unhappy. Neither mad nor sad. It just is. Happiness, and unhappiness are the series of vibrations that happen when the string (life) is no longer still. The ups and downs so to speak, sure, being happy is amazing, except when your happy you know it won’t stay like that forever. Eventually, you’re going to be unhappy again. (That’s life) Same can be said in reverse, being unhappy isn’t always so bad, because you know eventually you’re going to be happy again. This theory can be applied to every aspect of our lives. For instance, when we feel we are unhappy in a relationship, it’s the counter balance to when we were/are happy in our relationship. Same goes for our jobs, or school, or any numerous possibility. Things won’t continually stay one way or another. It’s impossible. However if we shoot for only being content, then we are at the happiest we can be, without being unhappy, that goal is achievable. Then we are able to just enjoy (or not) the small ups and downs that will continue to vibrate our string as we continue through life. Simply by being, we are in fact being simple.

And that ladies and gentleman… is where I want to be.

Chaotic Redemption...

2,000 miles separating my old life with a new. Two People, one Dog, take a 4 day road trip ac cross America... No that isn't the opening of a bad joke... or is it? Fear of the unknown draws me forward. Success or failure is in our hands, and the rules have been changed. The game we play now is called sink or swim, it's a shame I'm still learning to dog paddle.

Someone once said that to see America, one must drive it. To fly you see only clouds and birds, to walk you never get far. I've seen a lot of America, and to be completely honest, one must leave their nest to truly 'see' America. - Timothy Ralston