An abbreviated history of eServices

The year... 2014. It was a cold year, both in nature and in spirit. In those dark times, existed a light of hope. They were named Customer Hosted Patient Portal and Customer hosted Mobile Web. They lived off the energies of one man, the only one who could control those wild spirits. That man was me and he would be named the first. The Web Tech Coordinator. Then another appeared. His name was Sam, together they built an empire within the world of Open Dental. It started out small with a new service called the Listener. This new God demanded more, it required sustenance. It required Port Forwarding from all who would use it, but most of all it required several months of testing. Then it became an Open Dental hosted version of the Patient Portal, followed a few months after with a hosted version of Mobile Web. The dark times were almost over, as these new features spread across the land. It became too much for just the one man to control.

One day another joined the ranks of Web Tech Coordinators, this unfortunate soul named JasonL happened to be sitting in my cube when the ruler of all the ancient Open Dental demanded a sacrifice, and I pushed him into the inferno. Other services were born into the world over the following few months, and we had communication in the form of written word. People could now send their thoughts instantaneously across many miles with the strike of a few keys. It was beautiful in it's glory.

Then that service took on a life of it's own, it was automated. Luckily it used it's powers for the good of all man kind, and alerted people of their upcoming appointments. The Listener now no longer powerful enough to handle all of these new services bore an offspring of it's own. We call it now the eConnector. Once this new service hit the world, vast new opportunities were upon us. this automated service could hear others as well, and not only could it alert others of their appointments, it could now update those appointments when they acknowledged them. Saving individuals the requirement of uncomfortable cold calls based off of decisions others had made months prior. The power of the eConnector continued to grow, and people everywhere started utilizing it's features. They began to demand more and more from the 2 Web Tech Coordinators, so another was brought into the light. History has lost his name, but it is rumored that he was called CodyO. With the addition of this third to their secretive ranks, a new department was formed. It was named eServices.

The story from there was filled with massive bugs upon every iteration. These 3 men spent most of their time testing the limits of the eServices powers, stretching it and communicating with those using it to help as many as possible. It was the beginning of the end for the first Web Tech Coordinator. He had been stretched too thin. On top of managing eServices, he also juggled 2 other departments and a team of his own. Unable to spend as much time testing and setting up new converts to eServices, others were brought in the fray. Their names were Jacob and Geraldine, with an occasional assist from Margaret. Then several months later JeffH and CamO, followed quickly by JeffH's clone that we called Jared. These additional resources allowed for the department to develop even more power. Web Sched Recall and it's twin brother Web Sched New Patient. Some of the leaders left and moved on to other groups or to live lives of their own outside the world of Open Dental. There were dark times as well, the addition of eServices eRx had formed from the darkness that still existed and it was also being controlled by many of these individuals. This service produced someone named Darb and the dark times continued. There was a power struggle between this new person and the first Web Tech, the battles lasted for years at a time.

In the year 2017 the first Web Tech's personality split into 3 separate entities. He was now the eServices Manager, Escalation Manager, and eServices eRx Manager. In July of that year, a complaint formed and from that complaint the 3 personalities merged again into a unique form titled Advanced Services Manager, and an assistant was now required. RyanJ would now help to lead the masses and even more resources were acquired...

Fitting in...

I write this blog, not because I desire people read it. I write it because I spend so much of my time trying to figure out the things that don't make sense to me. To be honest, I don't understand many things right off the bat. Life is genuinely one of the most confusing things... ever. No one has it figured out, but we are all striving to do so. So that is why I write, because when I feel that I have a strong grasp on something, I share it. So that maybe you can read my words, and the same thing will make a little more sense to you. Or maybe you can take what I think, and add on to it to come up with your own ideas. If you choose to read what I write, I hope that you will continue to think on it. There are no easy answers, but perhaps together we will be able to make sense of some of the confusion.

Today I have been thinking about how things in life fit. This is a big thought process for me right now, because I am looking for a job. Recently I was laid off from my job, and while I was proud of what I did, no matter how well I faked it, I never really fit. Thinking about this, I realized I have never really fit in... not with jobs, not with the people I know, or with anything really. Society tells us that this is a bad thing, and from the time we are little we are conditioned that we have to fit a mold.

How many of you played with that puzzle toy as a toddler? The hollow little ball or cube that has all of the opening for different shapes. The point is to teach your child how pieces fit. The star goes in the star hole, the square in the square hole, etc. None of the other pieces will go into the wrong hole. It helps your spacial reasoning, but what does it do to your psychological thought processes? Is this when we start to realize that we are supposed to fit into the world like these little blocks?  That there is some perfect space we can fill in life, where we just fit? What about those of us who never find our shape? Are we destined to just lie around while everyone else ends up in the cube?

As I fill out applications, and write and rewrite my my resume and cover letters to make it sound like I am the perfect fit for every job I'm applying for, it just feels wrong... like I'm lying to myself, and lying to the places I'm applying. And what drives me crazy, is that is what people expect of you. They don't really care whether or not you are qualified, they want to know that you will change yourself to be what they are looking for. It's sad, it's disturbing, and worst of all, it's required.

Why is it such a terrible thing to not fit in? Why is it so bad to be a circle trying to fit into the square hole? It's what we are all trying to do, we shave off a little bit of our selves to fit into someone else's perfect shape. We lose a little bit of ourselves every time we have to become someone else. Sure, we might gain a little piece somewhere else, but what are we giving up in the process? After all, aren't the most successful people in the world the ones who stood up and said, "NO! This isn't happening, this is who I am, and it's time you dealt with it!" That is the Rosa Park's and Martin Luther King's of the world, the Steve Job's and Bill Gates' of life. They took what they knew, and the experiences they've had and made a stand. Those are the types of people who change the world, those are the people we look up to and desire on the most basic level to be like. Yet few of us ever do anything about it, we fall in line to survive and disappear into the weave, because it's scary to be an actual individual. To have no one behind you, and nothing beneath you. To spread your wings and fly without feathers so to speak. It's not that we aren't capable, it's that it's hard, it's confusing, and it's lonely. To be the only star in a sea of squares.

To this I say to the world, "I'm done being what you expect me to be. I may not fit into the shape you want, but the shape I am is pretty amazing. Yes I might be different than what you want or what you might expect. But sometimes when you try the unexpected, that's what you get, unexpected results, and that's okay. Sure, it's nerve wrecking not knowing what's coming, but that's life. On the other hand, knowing how everything is going to turn out is boring. There is no excitement, there is no happiness, there is only quiet acceptance that this is all there is. And that my friends is so far from the truth. We live in a world of colors, of different tastes, and most importantly adventure. Absolutely I'm different... and not only is that okay, it's perfect!"

Everyone always tells you to be an individual, but it's not individuality to fit in. With everyone trying to be original, we have lost the possibility of originality, but you can be yourself. By being yourself, and refusing to become something else only because it is expected, you can still be unique. If you aren't hurting other people, then there is no reason to be anyone different. If we are all who we are, instead of being who we say we are, then the world will change around us. We might not have as much control of those things as we like, but by becoming someone else, we are giving up what little control we have.

Be beautiful, be unique, be happy, be... you.

Forgiveness...

I think that sometimes... people just need to be forgiven. I think that is why so many people are drawn to religion. It gives them hope that for all the bad things they have done, and all the bad things they do, they might be forgiven. I can understand that on some level, it really makes sense. To want all the things you have messed up to go away. While I don't believe it comes from a celestial force, some other worldly power that can say, "It's okay. I know it's been tough, I know that you didn't mean it. I forgive you." I do believe however, that we have that force within ourselves. We can sit down, and tell ourselves that it's alright. We can tell others that we forgive them. Even if they have never done anything against us, even if we don't know of any bad things they have done. Sometimes... I think people just need to be forgiven. They just need to hear those 3 words... "It's okay... I know it's been tough... I know that you didn't mean it... I forgive you."

Gender Equality...

Alright, so anyone who knows me, will probably agree that I can be annoying sometimes. I have this desire to understand everything. Even if I don't have a strong grasp on a subject, I will learn as much as I can about it, ask questions, and discuss it until people have no interest in hearing from me ever again on the subject. Today's topic is Gender Equality, what it means, where it's at, and how to fix it.

According to Websters dictionary the definition of Equality means:
1. The state of being equal.

The state of being equal... that seems like a simple enough thing, two or more sides having the same amounts. But what does this mean when we look at it from a societal perspective. Typically this comes up in several different ways. Let's examine two of the most common, Men vs. Women, Hetero vs. GLBT.

I find it easiest to break things down when I understand the comparisons between two similar arguments. So let's compare Men vs. Women and Hetero vs. GLBT. I fall under the GLBT flag on this one, so I thought it would be easier for me to understand the prior once I could draw a line between the two. 

Women often feel that men disrespect them solely based on the fact they are women and thus somehow are inferior. Okay, that is something that I can definitely relate to. It's a pretty common thing for heterosexuals to assume that because I am gay, that I am less of a man. Thus don't deserve the same respect/rights that he or she has. This is not the case however, while yes, I am a man who likes men, I still think, I still feel, and still bleed when beaten. Not to mention that this discomfort almost always relates to sex, which is nobody's business but our own. There is no strong grounding for the inequality that exists here. So maybe there is some grounding of truth within that argument. With that being said, how do we fix this issue?

My belief is that to fix an issue, and understanding has to be had. After all, how can you understand that an issue exists if you have never been exposed to it. So I started involving myself in conversations, and asking questions to women surrounding this disrespect issue. What I find is that many of them talk about the problems they experience, but when I have pressed them, or tried to look at it from a different angle, I'm told that I can't understand because I don't have boobs. If you aren't able to explain the problem in such a way that someone who is looking for an understanding can comprehend, then how do you expect people who don't realize the issue exists in the first place to change. Then we come full circle to the women who use this inequality to their own accord.  They flaunt their sexuality to get a heads up on men, (because men think with the wrong head a lot of the time.) which I'm told gives women as a whole a bad name. So right there we have a separation within that argument on the same half, and it changes the equation. No longer are we fighting for equality 1-1, suddenly it is women vs. women vs. women vs. men. How are we ever going to find equality that way? (Especially because it get's more complicated when you throw in the men who are on the women's side. It then becomes: women vs. women vs. women vs. men vs. men vs. men, and you end up with a problem that requires the use of chaos mathematics to figure out.) It's just a mess. This holds true with pretty much any issue relating to equality. No one understands what the other is experiencing, and this causes friction because it is so clear to one side that the other has to be stupid to not grasp it. 

Where does that leave us? 

Absolutely divided. Not down the middle as previously thought, but split within our own genders. No wonder we are so far from world peace. We can't even get a long within our own groups. Now comparing history, we have definitely come a long ways in regard to the balance of power. Widows without child are no longer required to marry their brother in-laws to produce offspring, they can hold positions within government, they are able to vote, and work within every industry in society. So sure we have made some progress. Is it enough? Not yet, but I believe we are getting there thanks to many strong feminists. (One of which I can call my best friend. Depending on how she takes this post....) So what are we really fighting for at this point. From what I ascertain, it has become less of an equal rights issue, and more of an equal respect issue. While the two are similar, there are some major differences. Equal rights reflects those freedoms that were writ into the American Constitution. (There are still many issues in our country regarding equal rights, but I believe it is less of a gender issue now, and more of a sexual orientation issue.) What seems to be lacking is respect between the two genders. Men thinking they are better than women, or inclined to try and instill their needs over a woman's. 

A lot of this mentality finds it's roots in the very thing many people are afraid to remove themselves from. Religion, in fact if you read the bible, it's pretty harsh towards the female half, and with these beliefs being passed down from generation to generation, it has become bred into our societal views. But it's quite possible that it goes back even further to our first ancestors, the Neanderthals. Testosterone gave man the edge in these times because it made him stronger, and faster, thus he was the hunter and gatherer in a time where we were the menu and not the chef. Women would stay and nurture the young and protect the home. So it's possible what we are trying to do is create equality, not find it. This once again changes the route one must take to find a solution. Things don't happen just because. First you find an issue that needs to be solved. (In this case Gender Respect) Then you set out to create the tool to build the solution. (Understanding.) The you mass produce the solution, and because we live in a capitalist world., You market the solution so that every person agrees that they need it, then sell it to make a pretty buck. (Wait... is that right? Yes... yes that's how it works here.) 

What's the solution?

It is common knowledge that an army will always be more powerful than the militia. (Just don't say that too loudly in Texas.) So we need to create an army, to do that we will need to increase the understanding within our own cultures. We need to simplify the equation, women vs. women has to stop before you can take on the bigger issue of women vs. men. Once you have bridged those boundaries, you can really start to fight the war. Currently it's individual battles happening with mixed results. Once you find unification, the war will win itself. Why? Because we have made huge steps towards the balance already. Hence why this has become a battle of respect as opposed to a battle of rights. (That isn't completely over yet, but we're getting close.) 

Once the half finds a common understanding, we have to find a way to communicate the problem to the other half. (I would say women snagging men on the street and forcing themselves on them might not be the worst idea. Give them a taste of their own medicine.) After all we preach do unto others what you would have done to yourself. I'm just throwing that out there... 

I really don't know what the final solution is. And as I wrote this post, I realized that it isn't black and white, there is no absolute right answer. The fact is we are all different, and thus will always come to different conclusions. Also, the disrespect issue happens on both ends of the spectrum. We need to unite against a common enemy to really find a credible solution. I'm voting rocks.. let's blast the hell out of those disrespectful bastards, the way they mock us all stone like. 

Who am I....

Who am I? When I am by myself, when I'm not at work, when no one is holding me accountable, when I take into account all of my experiences, when I am awake, when I am asleep, when I know, when I don't know? Who am I?

I am stripped of my dignity, and lost in an ocean of ignorance. I float along the jet stream questioning every choice I have ever made that lead me to this point. Who am I?

I open my eyes every morning, I get up and I shower always asking myself what is next. Who am I?

Following in the footsteps of others, afraid to find my own path. Striking out where no other has set foot, feeling as if I am being chased by my past. Who am I?

Sitting in the floor of my closet in the dark, crying as if I have lost everything, everyone I have ever known or cared about. Who am I?

Gripping the bar tightly as the cart breaches the top of the roller coaster we call life, about to plummet into the unknown. This is where I find myself, Who am I? I don't know... I have no answer to that, but because I seek the truth, there is still hope. Because I desire this answer above all others I have ever asked, there is still hope.

At the bottom, there lies nothing. At the top, there is only fear. Fear of loss, fear of destruction, fear of everything. Agoraphobic and standing outside in the rain.

I see peace through solitude, no one asking, no one shouting. Except my inner thoughts trying to grasp clues that I have left behind during my existence. Putting the puzzle back together. Reading between the lines, looking for the small print that will answer the question that drives me mad. Who am I?

Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? The question beating a chorus in my heart. This has replaced the driving force in my life. It's no longer trying to define why I am here, it's more than that now. This goes even deeper. How can anyone have a purpose if they don't know who they are. Am I good? Am I evil? Am I brave or meek? Intelligent with a hint of naivety? Still no answers coming to me. Maybe I am hollow? Or full to the lip?

Is it not that simple? Maybe I am all these things, maybe I am nothing. Maybe not knowing isn't so bad. Maybe that is the point. Not knowing means I can be anything. Not knowing means that no matter where I am, I am me...

Now there's a thought. Where am I?

Perfect moments....

The perfect moment... it's filled with peace. It happens accidentally, randomly, without you ever realizing it's coming. I have had many perfect moments throughout my life. A flash of an instant where everything seems... amazing. The light flowing, the sounds blowing, and the words... perfect.

Most of the time, we barely notice what is going on around us. There is so much noise, and hoopla happening all of the time, that we have become somewhat neutral to the natural and un-natural existence that is everywhere. Let me set the scene for you...

 Walking through Vegas with a close friend of mine, drunk and mildly burned out by all the noise and flashing lights of the city. We stumble upon a spot, that is silent. There is no sound except our breathing, there is no lights except the constantly changing lines of a nearby building. For a moment, it is perfect.

Rolling over in the middle of the night, waking up your partner for some passionate love making. No noise, no words spoken, just an intimate exchange of emotion through physical touching.

Lying on your bed, the evening light streams through the window. The cool air outside blowing gently on the breeze.

Hiking through the forest, and coming across a babbling brook you had never seen. Surrounded by aspen trees, and green grass. The sounds of the birds chirping, and the water lapping on the rocks surround you.

These are just a few random occurrences of a perfect moment. They happen all the time, but we don't pay attention to them. It is when we feel most at rest, and are not constantly thinking about what is coming, what is happening during our day to day lives. It is a piece of nirvana hidden in a land of regret. I always like to hear about other peoples perfect moments. Maybe it's the birth of your child, maybe it was the sound of the rushing wind as you rocket toward the ground waiting for your chute to open. They come in many forms, all of them just as important as the next. These are the moments that make our lives important, that make them worth living. Everyone has them, sometimes, we just have to refocus to enjoy them, to notice that they are happening.

I encourage you to share your perfect moments in the comments section below. Tell us what they smelled like, what they tasted like, how they changed you, how you can't wait for the next one. Whatever it is, allowing other people to feel what it was that you felt. I know that I for one am always on the lookout for the next. Perfect moment...

Meaningful life...

I always thought that living a meaningful life meant spending it helping others around you. That the only way to successfully live a life of meaning, was to bring meaning to other peoples lives. I now believe that I had the definition wrong. Living a meaningful life is living a life without fear, to live everyday being open to all of the different possibilities that life presents.

I want to pose a question to anyone who might read this column. This is something I have been giving a lot of thought to recently.

How would your life be different if you knew how you were going to die?

This all started because I watched Tim Burton's Big Fish. It really got me thinking. How different would we be, if we knew when and how we were going to go? For some it might be constant stress, finding out you were going to go sooner rather than later. For others, it would be freeing. Even if it were going to be soon, it would change how you lived for even that short period of time.

So here is the kicker, if I knew how I was going to go, I would then know that I could survive anything outside of that. So I would be able to live free, without fear of anything. I could literally do anything knowing that I would survive. I would live everyday without fear, because fear stems from being afraid of death.... How it could happen, how it's going to happen, what will happen after? We struggle with this every single day. But if you knew... then you could do anything, you would be more open to trying new things, no limitations whatsoever.

This thought process has changed how I think now, how I am going to act from here on out. Because whether we know how it's going to happen or not, it's going to happen. It's the one truth, we are all going to die.

So why are we living in fear of death. Whether we die from old age, or fall out of a burning building, the outcome is the same. Death is both permanent and unavoidable, so from here on out, I will be living life without fear of it happening. I will fill every moment of my day with as many experiences as I can. Let us live free from fear, let us exist without worry. You will survive, or you won't. Either way, all you can do is live. If you are lucky enough to be fearless, then you are one of the few that will live truly happy. Maybe that is why, people like to believe that everything happens for a reason. That they have no control over their lives because then they aren't responsible for the outcome.

I on the other hand prefer not to give up my freedom of choice. Not everything happens for a reason, but that doesn't mean we have complete control over how it turns out. All we can do is choose each day to live well, experience much, and help those we can live the same way. From here on out, I will be that person. No matter what happens, I plan on living a meaningful life.... a life without fear.