Fitting in...

I write this blog, not because I desire people read it. I write it because I spend so much of my time trying to figure out the things that don't make sense to me. To be honest, I don't understand many things right off the bat. Life is genuinely one of the most confusing things... ever. No one has it figured out, but we are all striving to do so. So that is why I write, because when I feel that I have a strong grasp on something, I share it. So that maybe you can read my words, and the same thing will make a little more sense to you. Or maybe you can take what I think, and add on to it to come up with your own ideas. If you choose to read what I write, I hope that you will continue to think on it. There are no easy answers, but perhaps together we will be able to make sense of some of the confusion.

Today I have been thinking about how things in life fit. This is a big thought process for me right now, because I am looking for a job. Recently I was laid off from my job, and while I was proud of what I did, no matter how well I faked it, I never really fit. Thinking about this, I realized I have never really fit in... not with jobs, not with the people I know, or with anything really. Society tells us that this is a bad thing, and from the time we are little we are conditioned that we have to fit a mold.

How many of you played with that puzzle toy as a toddler? The hollow little ball or cube that has all of the opening for different shapes. The point is to teach your child how pieces fit. The star goes in the star hole, the square in the square hole, etc. None of the other pieces will go into the wrong hole. It helps your spacial reasoning, but what does it do to your psychological thought processes? Is this when we start to realize that we are supposed to fit into the world like these little blocks?  That there is some perfect space we can fill in life, where we just fit? What about those of us who never find our shape? Are we destined to just lie around while everyone else ends up in the cube?

As I fill out applications, and write and rewrite my my resume and cover letters to make it sound like I am the perfect fit for every job I'm applying for, it just feels wrong... like I'm lying to myself, and lying to the places I'm applying. And what drives me crazy, is that is what people expect of you. They don't really care whether or not you are qualified, they want to know that you will change yourself to be what they are looking for. It's sad, it's disturbing, and worst of all, it's required.

Why is it such a terrible thing to not fit in? Why is it so bad to be a circle trying to fit into the square hole? It's what we are all trying to do, we shave off a little bit of our selves to fit into someone else's perfect shape. We lose a little bit of ourselves every time we have to become someone else. Sure, we might gain a little piece somewhere else, but what are we giving up in the process? After all, aren't the most successful people in the world the ones who stood up and said, "NO! This isn't happening, this is who I am, and it's time you dealt with it!" That is the Rosa Park's and Martin Luther King's of the world, the Steve Job's and Bill Gates' of life. They took what they knew, and the experiences they've had and made a stand. Those are the types of people who change the world, those are the people we look up to and desire on the most basic level to be like. Yet few of us ever do anything about it, we fall in line to survive and disappear into the weave, because it's scary to be an actual individual. To have no one behind you, and nothing beneath you. To spread your wings and fly without feathers so to speak. It's not that we aren't capable, it's that it's hard, it's confusing, and it's lonely. To be the only star in a sea of squares.

To this I say to the world, "I'm done being what you expect me to be. I may not fit into the shape you want, but the shape I am is pretty amazing. Yes I might be different than what you want or what you might expect. But sometimes when you try the unexpected, that's what you get, unexpected results, and that's okay. Sure, it's nerve wrecking not knowing what's coming, but that's life. On the other hand, knowing how everything is going to turn out is boring. There is no excitement, there is no happiness, there is only quiet acceptance that this is all there is. And that my friends is so far from the truth. We live in a world of colors, of different tastes, and most importantly adventure. Absolutely I'm different... and not only is that okay, it's perfect!"

Everyone always tells you to be an individual, but it's not individuality to fit in. With everyone trying to be original, we have lost the possibility of originality, but you can be yourself. By being yourself, and refusing to become something else only because it is expected, you can still be unique. If you aren't hurting other people, then there is no reason to be anyone different. If we are all who we are, instead of being who we say we are, then the world will change around us. We might not have as much control of those things as we like, but by becoming someone else, we are giving up what little control we have.

Be beautiful, be unique, be happy, be... you.

Forgiveness...

I think that sometimes... people just need to be forgiven. I think that is why so many people are drawn to religion. It gives them hope that for all the bad things they have done, and all the bad things they do, they might be forgiven. I can understand that on some level, it really makes sense. To want all the things you have messed up to go away. While I don't believe it comes from a celestial force, some other worldly power that can say, "It's okay. I know it's been tough, I know that you didn't mean it. I forgive you." I do believe however, that we have that force within ourselves. We can sit down, and tell ourselves that it's alright. We can tell others that we forgive them. Even if they have never done anything against us, even if we don't know of any bad things they have done. Sometimes... I think people just need to be forgiven. They just need to hear those 3 words... "It's okay... I know it's been tough... I know that you didn't mean it... I forgive you."

Gender Equality...

Alright, so anyone who knows me, will probably agree that I can be annoying sometimes. I have this desire to understand everything. Even if I don't have a strong grasp on a subject, I will learn as much as I can about it, ask questions, and discuss it until people have no interest in hearing from me ever again on the subject. Today's topic is Gender Equality, what it means, where it's at, and how to fix it.

According to Websters dictionary the definition of Equality means:
1. The state of being equal.

The state of being equal... that seems like a simple enough thing, two or more sides having the same amounts. But what does this mean when we look at it from a societal perspective. Typically this comes up in several different ways. Let's examine two of the most common, Men vs. Women, Hetero vs. GLBT.

I find it easiest to break things down when I understand the comparisons between two similar arguments. So let's compare Men vs. Women and Hetero vs. GLBT. I fall under the GLBT flag on this one, so I thought it would be easier for me to understand the prior once I could draw a line between the two. 

Women often feel that men disrespect them solely based on the fact they are women and thus somehow are inferior. Okay, that is something that I can definitely relate to. It's a pretty common thing for heterosexuals to assume that because I am gay, that I am less of a man. Thus don't deserve the same respect/rights that he or she has. This is not the case however, while yes, I am a man who likes men, I still think, I still feel, and still bleed when beaten. Not to mention that this discomfort almost always relates to sex, which is nobody's business but our own. There is no strong grounding for the inequality that exists here. So maybe there is some grounding of truth within that argument. With that being said, how do we fix this issue?

My belief is that to fix an issue, and understanding has to be had. After all, how can you understand that an issue exists if you have never been exposed to it. So I started involving myself in conversations, and asking questions to women surrounding this disrespect issue. What I find is that many of them talk about the problems they experience, but when I have pressed them, or tried to look at it from a different angle, I'm told that I can't understand because I don't have boobs. If you aren't able to explain the problem in such a way that someone who is looking for an understanding can comprehend, then how do you expect people who don't realize the issue exists in the first place to change. Then we come full circle to the women who use this inequality to their own accord.  They flaunt their sexuality to get a heads up on men, (because men think with the wrong head a lot of the time.) which I'm told gives women as a whole a bad name. So right there we have a separation within that argument on the same half, and it changes the equation. No longer are we fighting for equality 1-1, suddenly it is women vs. women vs. women vs. men. How are we ever going to find equality that way? (Especially because it get's more complicated when you throw in the men who are on the women's side. It then becomes: women vs. women vs. women vs. men vs. men vs. men, and you end up with a problem that requires the use of chaos mathematics to figure out.) It's just a mess. This holds true with pretty much any issue relating to equality. No one understands what the other is experiencing, and this causes friction because it is so clear to one side that the other has to be stupid to not grasp it. 

Where does that leave us? 

Absolutely divided. Not down the middle as previously thought, but split within our own genders. No wonder we are so far from world peace. We can't even get a long within our own groups. Now comparing history, we have definitely come a long ways in regard to the balance of power. Widows without child are no longer required to marry their brother in-laws to produce offspring, they can hold positions within government, they are able to vote, and work within every industry in society. So sure we have made some progress. Is it enough? Not yet, but I believe we are getting there thanks to many strong feminists. (One of which I can call my best friend. Depending on how she takes this post....) So what are we really fighting for at this point. From what I ascertain, it has become less of an equal rights issue, and more of an equal respect issue. While the two are similar, there are some major differences. Equal rights reflects those freedoms that were writ into the American Constitution. (There are still many issues in our country regarding equal rights, but I believe it is less of a gender issue now, and more of a sexual orientation issue.) What seems to be lacking is respect between the two genders. Men thinking they are better than women, or inclined to try and instill their needs over a woman's. 

A lot of this mentality finds it's roots in the very thing many people are afraid to remove themselves from. Religion, in fact if you read the bible, it's pretty harsh towards the female half, and with these beliefs being passed down from generation to generation, it has become bred into our societal views. But it's quite possible that it goes back even further to our first ancestors, the Neanderthals. Testosterone gave man the edge in these times because it made him stronger, and faster, thus he was the hunter and gatherer in a time where we were the menu and not the chef. Women would stay and nurture the young and protect the home. So it's possible what we are trying to do is create equality, not find it. This once again changes the route one must take to find a solution. Things don't happen just because. First you find an issue that needs to be solved. (In this case Gender Respect) Then you set out to create the tool to build the solution. (Understanding.) The you mass produce the solution, and because we live in a capitalist world., You market the solution so that every person agrees that they need it, then sell it to make a pretty buck. (Wait... is that right? Yes... yes that's how it works here.) 

What's the solution?

It is common knowledge that an army will always be more powerful than the militia. (Just don't say that too loudly in Texas.) So we need to create an army, to do that we will need to increase the understanding within our own cultures. We need to simplify the equation, women vs. women has to stop before you can take on the bigger issue of women vs. men. Once you have bridged those boundaries, you can really start to fight the war. Currently it's individual battles happening with mixed results. Once you find unification, the war will win itself. Why? Because we have made huge steps towards the balance already. Hence why this has become a battle of respect as opposed to a battle of rights. (That isn't completely over yet, but we're getting close.) 

Once the half finds a common understanding, we have to find a way to communicate the problem to the other half. (I would say women snagging men on the street and forcing themselves on them might not be the worst idea. Give them a taste of their own medicine.) After all we preach do unto others what you would have done to yourself. I'm just throwing that out there... 

I really don't know what the final solution is. And as I wrote this post, I realized that it isn't black and white, there is no absolute right answer. The fact is we are all different, and thus will always come to different conclusions. Also, the disrespect issue happens on both ends of the spectrum. We need to unite against a common enemy to really find a credible solution. I'm voting rocks.. let's blast the hell out of those disrespectful bastards, the way they mock us all stone like.