The moment before dawn, there is silence in the city.
As the snow blows, and all movement stops.
Where crickets chirp, and coyotes howl, echo's fill the void.
This is the still.
When peace surrounds you, and fear lies flat at your feet.
A whisper of longing, causes your heart to flutter.
With the scent of a newborn flower, a smile breaks your face.
This is the still.
-As we go through life, we are constantly bombarded with chaos. Find your still where ever, and when ever you can. Remember that the still is peace, and within peace we are able to remember still. - Timothy Ralston
Monday, April 18, 2011
Friday, April 1, 2011
There are few things in life we can't make happen Part 2
Lesson 2: Learn what not to say, and how to say what you shouldn't.
If only I had known then, what I had now learned. I could potentially have had a long miserable carreer that I hated. Wait... was that right? Even though I didn't have a job, I was considerably better off than I was, I was no longer worried about ending up with my parents feeding cats when I turned 30. That just wasn't going to happen to the New Me. Within a week, and a few more adjustments to my resume, I had 3 job offers at other retail stores. 1 that paid well, with horrible hours. 1 that paid terribly, with amazing hours. and one that didn't pay so poorly, with constantly fluctuating hours. I chose option 3... it was middle of the road, and I was no longer so driven by the amount of money I was earning, because I knew that there would always be more at some point, and if I played my new poker hand correctly this time, then I had very little to worry about. I was now employed at a retail clothing store 40 miles away from where I lived, servicing rich 13-17 year old who thought because their family had more money than I did, I was a lowly servant.
As you can imagine, that didn't really work so well for me, I was now old enough to drink, and I would be damned if I allowed a 16 year old kid tell me how much better he was than I. Two complaints later, I was facing my first write up, for being rude to customers. (Which I thought was the most ironic thing I had ever heard....) So I fell back on what I knew best, hiding barbs within my words. A skill that I had honed over 16 years of living with my parents. The key to my success was the overpowering ego that these children had developed due to an overactive pocketbook. I got my first chance to try this out the following day after the write-up.
A young guy roughly 16 years old came into the store with his 'posse', a cadre of teen girls dogging his heels and giggling like they were fresh out of the dental chair and filled with nitrous-oxide. You could tell he was a cocky mofo, by his swagger, and the dirty looks he kept sending my way. I decided that this was where I was taking my stand, walking up to the group, I winked at the prettiest girl in his group and introduced myself. Told them that if there was 'anything' I could do to help them. Just to let me know. Within 10 minutes he had made his way back to the fitting room, and I made my way to his group of friends. We chatted and carried on, I flirted a little bit, and went back to my station at the counter. Started repacking the boxes, and the bags under the counter. When I stood up I realized I was surrounded by all of those cackling (Obnoxious) girls. Asking me questions, and throwing their hair around. Result! The boy came out of the back and saw all of the girls hanging onto the counter, and his face just dropped. In a period of 10 minutes I had stolen from him what his money had given him. His popularity.As he slowly made his way up to the counter, clearly defeated. I smiled and checked him out. Said goodbye to my new fan base, and watched them all walk out, this time with the cocky 16 year old at the back, having to listen to the girls talk about the 'cute' sales guy at the counter, and how nice he was.
These are my favorite lessons to learn, the ones where you get to teach someone else something too. People are fickle, especially young people. Every shiny thing will tickle their fancies, and the key to remaining popular is to always be more glittering than before. The next time I saw the kid, I offered him a job at the store, and he ended up being one of my best employees.
I didn't stay at this position for ever, I worked there managing the store for a couple more years learning more about management, and how to deal with a class of people who would always look down on me due to my working class background. I continually developed what I refer to as my undertalk skills. Being able to say what I really think by saying what other people want to hear. (This is exceptionally important for anyone who wants to succeed in life without going crazy. You can actually fit in with any crowd, without having to sacrifice any of your personal morals or values.)
- Knowing who you are is an important thing, people will always tell you that you need to change this, or you need to grow that. The reallity is, that you are the only one who will always be there for you. Be happy with yourself, and let others adjust to who you are. When you try to be something your not, it will always show through. Become who you want to be, but never forget who you were. - Timothy Ralston
If only I had known then, what I had now learned. I could potentially have had a long miserable carreer that I hated. Wait... was that right? Even though I didn't have a job, I was considerably better off than I was, I was no longer worried about ending up with my parents feeding cats when I turned 30. That just wasn't going to happen to the New Me. Within a week, and a few more adjustments to my resume, I had 3 job offers at other retail stores. 1 that paid well, with horrible hours. 1 that paid terribly, with amazing hours. and one that didn't pay so poorly, with constantly fluctuating hours. I chose option 3... it was middle of the road, and I was no longer so driven by the amount of money I was earning, because I knew that there would always be more at some point, and if I played my new poker hand correctly this time, then I had very little to worry about. I was now employed at a retail clothing store 40 miles away from where I lived, servicing rich 13-17 year old who thought because their family had more money than I did, I was a lowly servant.
As you can imagine, that didn't really work so well for me, I was now old enough to drink, and I would be damned if I allowed a 16 year old kid tell me how much better he was than I. Two complaints later, I was facing my first write up, for being rude to customers. (Which I thought was the most ironic thing I had ever heard....) So I fell back on what I knew best, hiding barbs within my words. A skill that I had honed over 16 years of living with my parents. The key to my success was the overpowering ego that these children had developed due to an overactive pocketbook. I got my first chance to try this out the following day after the write-up.
A young guy roughly 16 years old came into the store with his 'posse', a cadre of teen girls dogging his heels and giggling like they were fresh out of the dental chair and filled with nitrous-oxide. You could tell he was a cocky mofo, by his swagger, and the dirty looks he kept sending my way. I decided that this was where I was taking my stand, walking up to the group, I winked at the prettiest girl in his group and introduced myself. Told them that if there was 'anything' I could do to help them. Just to let me know. Within 10 minutes he had made his way back to the fitting room, and I made my way to his group of friends. We chatted and carried on, I flirted a little bit, and went back to my station at the counter. Started repacking the boxes, and the bags under the counter. When I stood up I realized I was surrounded by all of those cackling (Obnoxious) girls. Asking me questions, and throwing their hair around. Result! The boy came out of the back and saw all of the girls hanging onto the counter, and his face just dropped. In a period of 10 minutes I had stolen from him what his money had given him. His popularity.As he slowly made his way up to the counter, clearly defeated. I smiled and checked him out. Said goodbye to my new fan base, and watched them all walk out, this time with the cocky 16 year old at the back, having to listen to the girls talk about the 'cute' sales guy at the counter, and how nice he was.
These are my favorite lessons to learn, the ones where you get to teach someone else something too. People are fickle, especially young people. Every shiny thing will tickle their fancies, and the key to remaining popular is to always be more glittering than before. The next time I saw the kid, I offered him a job at the store, and he ended up being one of my best employees.
I didn't stay at this position for ever, I worked there managing the store for a couple more years learning more about management, and how to deal with a class of people who would always look down on me due to my working class background. I continually developed what I refer to as my undertalk skills. Being able to say what I really think by saying what other people want to hear. (This is exceptionally important for anyone who wants to succeed in life without going crazy. You can actually fit in with any crowd, without having to sacrifice any of your personal morals or values.)
- Knowing who you are is an important thing, people will always tell you that you need to change this, or you need to grow that. The reallity is, that you are the only one who will always be there for you. Be happy with yourself, and let others adjust to who you are. When you try to be something your not, it will always show through. Become who you want to be, but never forget who you were. - Timothy Ralston
There are few things we dream of we can't make happen.
10 years ago, my life was much different. My perspective was limited, and I had no real direction or goals. Then one day, thanks to a single conversation with my brother... Something clicked, and my life would never be the same. It was at that moment, I realized that there were no limitations to what a person could accomplish. That by thinking outside the box, you could truly achieve anything. (Sounds kind of corny right? I assure you it is, but it is also completly true.) Mind you that the next 10 years of my life, was incredibly stressful, filled with hard work, and many, many failures. However, I was able to not only change my life for the better, I managed to find a form of peace that I never knew existed. The trick I found, I am about to share with you.
Lesson 1: Learn to manipulate your surroundings.
We have all had those dead end jobs, that you force yourself to go into everyday because they help you pay your bills. Paying your bills, allows you to survive. Unfortunately at this point in our lives, that is pretty much all it will allow you to do, and take it from me, surviving is not living.
I for instance, had just started my first trip into the world of retail. At the time, my resume was limited... if that is even what you would call it. I had barely ever held a job for longer than 3 months at a time. For some reason, at the 3 month mark, I couldn't force myself to go into work anymore. I would call in sick a couple of times a month, not to do anything fun. Just because I hated being there. Then I found my calling, and no. Retail was not what I was put here to do. It did however allow me to broaden my horizon, After "adjusting" my resume and by that I mean lying through my teeth. I got hired on at a upscale women's clothing store in the mall. Of course, since I had faked the majority of my resume, I had a lot to live up to. It was only a part-time job, with the promise of a management position down the road. Which was good, because the pay was CRAP! I was however getting worried, because I had built myself up so much, that I knew I was going to fail. I couldn't do half the crap I had said I could. (They call it padding your resume... well, mine was a feather pillow.)
The strange thing was, it was easy... This fake person that I had essentially built, was myself. I litterally became the best at everything I did. Not because I was trying so hard to do it well, which I was. I was living up to standards that I had unintentionally set too high, and so that people wouldn't think of me as a fake (Which I was.) I tried even harder. This is when I found that I was able to change myself, with the blink of an eye. I could become anyone, do anything, and all I had to do was decide who/what that was. So I worked my way into the management positon, got a full time salary, (Which still sucked.) and twice as much responsibility. I hated every moment of it. But I learned a lot.
Working in a field that is primarily dominated by the yin side of the yang. I had to learn to adjust, women have a tendancy to be kind of catty. (No offense... it's just true.) Luckily as a homosexual, they warmed up to me quickly. (I've always wondered why that is exactly, but that is a topic for another post.) When everyone decides they want to be your best friend, it can cause a lot of additional drama. I found myself constantly being pulled back and forth like a game of tug o' war, unfortunately I was the rope, and it wasn't fun. I was struggling enough balancing the New Me without the fear of people talking crap behind my back because I was being friendly with this person, or that person. After a year of this, I had finally had enough. It had taken me 9 months to get my promotion, I had worked as the Assistant manager for 8 months, and started experiencing that dread at the idea of even setting foot in the mall. So I did what any self respecting individual would do. I went up to my boss, told her that I was offered a position with a higher rate of pay and was going to pursue it. (I know... another lie.) I turned in my two weeks notice, and started searching for another dead end job. I figured maybe I could flip burgers for a while, at least then I didn't have to worry about understanding the conversation flying around me. (The fast food joint I was considering was primarily staffed by the hispanic population where I was living.)
2 days before my notice was up, I still hadn't found another job, and was starting to hit the panic phase... "Oh GOD.... How could I be so stupid... I'm going to have to go live with my parents again. And if that isn't bad enough, I will probably end up spending my 30th birthday at home with them playing Yahtzee, and cleaning up after 4 cats..." (Being only 19 at the time, I was thinking of my future in pretty bleak terms.) 1 day to go before my life was over, I walked into work with my boss glaring at me. So of course the first thing that pops into my mind is, I'm in trouble, I must have done something wrong. She walked over to meet me at the front of the store, and in a gruff voice asked me to follow her into the back. She needed to talk to me about something serious... (As I followed her into the back room, I could hear the Funeral March playing in my head.) She takes me all the way back to her office, and sits down at her desk with her fingers steepled in front of her mouth. (Never a good sign... I had secretly hoped she was leading me to a SURPRISE going away party. Damn!) "Have a seat," she motioned to the folding chair in front of her. Nervously I sat down, and crossed my leg. "What's going on?" I asked. "Well Tim, I wanted to talk to you about something. You turned in your notice two weeks ago today, your supposed to start your new job next week, but I have to know... What can I do to keep you on here?" (BLOOOAAACCHHHHBMMM! My head exploded... Not literally.) When had that happened? When was it lowly ole me with the power? "I suppose we should talk," I said. "First, about my salary. If you want me to stay that is the first thing we need to change." She cleared her throat, and slid a piece of paper in front of me. (It was like being in one of those movies where you are secretly trying to find out how much it costs to sell a child on the black market.) "This is what we are prepared to offer you." I looked down at the slip of paper, and instantly needed a change of underwear. $40,000.00 a year, and my own store. How had this happened.... I had been lying about all those things I said I could do right? Isn't that what I had been so stressed out over for the last year? (*Ring Ring, Ring Ring.... "Hello? Father, has it finally frozen over?"*) "Well, that's a start," I said trying to sound cool and collected. Like I had done this 100 times before. "What else is it that you are wanting?" She sounded kind of scared. That's when I realized I had her by her non existent lady balls. And I pulled for all I was worth. "3 weeks of paid vacation, I won't work on Saturdays or Sundays, and I need the day after Thanksgiving off every year." Short version of the rest of the story, I walked out of her office with my head held high, a new outlook on life, and went to the nearest newspaper stand I could find, and started to peruse the classifieds. I had asked for to much, and at that point, my head had swelled so big that I couldn't back down. I was no longer employed at the mall, and I think my boss was pissed off enough at me that I would never be able to go back to that organization. I had learned my lesson though, I now knew how to manipulate my surroundings so that I could make myself not only more desireable to future employers, but also I figured out how to turn the power around, so that I was holding my own poker hand instead of playing go fish. Lesson learned. Ask for enough, but never too much. To much of a good thing, becomes more of a bad thing than you can handle.
-This is one of the most important things I have learned in my carreer, and in my life. Learn to play the cards you have, in such a way that others always think you have that 5th Ace up your sleeve. - Timothy Ralston
Lesson 1: Learn to manipulate your surroundings.
We have all had those dead end jobs, that you force yourself to go into everyday because they help you pay your bills. Paying your bills, allows you to survive. Unfortunately at this point in our lives, that is pretty much all it will allow you to do, and take it from me, surviving is not living.
I for instance, had just started my first trip into the world of retail. At the time, my resume was limited... if that is even what you would call it. I had barely ever held a job for longer than 3 months at a time. For some reason, at the 3 month mark, I couldn't force myself to go into work anymore. I would call in sick a couple of times a month, not to do anything fun. Just because I hated being there. Then I found my calling, and no. Retail was not what I was put here to do. It did however allow me to broaden my horizon, After "adjusting" my resume and by that I mean lying through my teeth. I got hired on at a upscale women's clothing store in the mall. Of course, since I had faked the majority of my resume, I had a lot to live up to. It was only a part-time job, with the promise of a management position down the road. Which was good, because the pay was CRAP! I was however getting worried, because I had built myself up so much, that I knew I was going to fail. I couldn't do half the crap I had said I could. (They call it padding your resume... well, mine was a feather pillow.)
The strange thing was, it was easy... This fake person that I had essentially built, was myself. I litterally became the best at everything I did. Not because I was trying so hard to do it well, which I was. I was living up to standards that I had unintentionally set too high, and so that people wouldn't think of me as a fake (Which I was.) I tried even harder. This is when I found that I was able to change myself, with the blink of an eye. I could become anyone, do anything, and all I had to do was decide who/what that was. So I worked my way into the management positon, got a full time salary, (Which still sucked.) and twice as much responsibility. I hated every moment of it. But I learned a lot.
Working in a field that is primarily dominated by the yin side of the yang. I had to learn to adjust, women have a tendancy to be kind of catty. (No offense... it's just true.) Luckily as a homosexual, they warmed up to me quickly. (I've always wondered why that is exactly, but that is a topic for another post.) When everyone decides they want to be your best friend, it can cause a lot of additional drama. I found myself constantly being pulled back and forth like a game of tug o' war, unfortunately I was the rope, and it wasn't fun. I was struggling enough balancing the New Me without the fear of people talking crap behind my back because I was being friendly with this person, or that person. After a year of this, I had finally had enough. It had taken me 9 months to get my promotion, I had worked as the Assistant manager for 8 months, and started experiencing that dread at the idea of even setting foot in the mall. So I did what any self respecting individual would do. I went up to my boss, told her that I was offered a position with a higher rate of pay and was going to pursue it. (I know... another lie.) I turned in my two weeks notice, and started searching for another dead end job. I figured maybe I could flip burgers for a while, at least then I didn't have to worry about understanding the conversation flying around me. (The fast food joint I was considering was primarily staffed by the hispanic population where I was living.)
2 days before my notice was up, I still hadn't found another job, and was starting to hit the panic phase... "Oh GOD.... How could I be so stupid... I'm going to have to go live with my parents again. And if that isn't bad enough, I will probably end up spending my 30th birthday at home with them playing Yahtzee, and cleaning up after 4 cats..." (Being only 19 at the time, I was thinking of my future in pretty bleak terms.) 1 day to go before my life was over, I walked into work with my boss glaring at me. So of course the first thing that pops into my mind is, I'm in trouble, I must have done something wrong. She walked over to meet me at the front of the store, and in a gruff voice asked me to follow her into the back. She needed to talk to me about something serious... (As I followed her into the back room, I could hear the Funeral March playing in my head.) She takes me all the way back to her office, and sits down at her desk with her fingers steepled in front of her mouth. (Never a good sign... I had secretly hoped she was leading me to a SURPRISE going away party. Damn!) "Have a seat," she motioned to the folding chair in front of her. Nervously I sat down, and crossed my leg. "What's going on?" I asked. "Well Tim, I wanted to talk to you about something. You turned in your notice two weeks ago today, your supposed to start your new job next week, but I have to know... What can I do to keep you on here?" (BLOOOAAACCHHHHBMMM! My head exploded... Not literally.) When had that happened? When was it lowly ole me with the power? "I suppose we should talk," I said. "First, about my salary. If you want me to stay that is the first thing we need to change." She cleared her throat, and slid a piece of paper in front of me. (It was like being in one of those movies where you are secretly trying to find out how much it costs to sell a child on the black market.) "This is what we are prepared to offer you." I looked down at the slip of paper, and instantly needed a change of underwear. $40,000.00 a year, and my own store. How had this happened.... I had been lying about all those things I said I could do right? Isn't that what I had been so stressed out over for the last year? (*Ring Ring, Ring Ring.... "Hello? Father, has it finally frozen over?"*) "Well, that's a start," I said trying to sound cool and collected. Like I had done this 100 times before. "What else is it that you are wanting?" She sounded kind of scared. That's when I realized I had her by her non existent lady balls. And I pulled for all I was worth. "3 weeks of paid vacation, I won't work on Saturdays or Sundays, and I need the day after Thanksgiving off every year." Short version of the rest of the story, I walked out of her office with my head held high, a new outlook on life, and went to the nearest newspaper stand I could find, and started to peruse the classifieds. I had asked for to much, and at that point, my head had swelled so big that I couldn't back down. I was no longer employed at the mall, and I think my boss was pissed off enough at me that I would never be able to go back to that organization. I had learned my lesson though, I now knew how to manipulate my surroundings so that I could make myself not only more desireable to future employers, but also I figured out how to turn the power around, so that I was holding my own poker hand instead of playing go fish. Lesson learned. Ask for enough, but never too much. To much of a good thing, becomes more of a bad thing than you can handle.
-This is one of the most important things I have learned in my carreer, and in my life. Learn to play the cards you have, in such a way that others always think you have that 5th Ace up your sleeve. - Timothy Ralston
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